I often find myself on this bench. Thoughts tumbling across each other like pebbles moved by waves. My music the only thing impacting this, music has always had a really big impact on me. I hear lyrics, I crave rhythm. It completely takes me, my mood, my anxiety everything is completely fixed upon it. I close my eyes, lean back and just listen. Every single string plucked and each intricacy performed by practiced hands. I find safety here. Sanctuary from an isolating world. One where service is key and your polished smile must be put forward. Here I can enjoy my bench, imagine some stars and loose myself in someone else’s art. Here I have no one to please, no smile to force across my face and my sanctuary. Exactly where I left it. Warm, safe and completely my own.
I promised myself I’d keep up to date with this project. I swore this would be something I did every day but things just tend to get in the way. Words won’t work, ideas don’t seem to correlate or make sense on a page. Winter nights washed away with waiting for the sunshine to appear again. I’m so tired of being cold. It seems to seep into your bones this time of year. It gets to that point where I truly don’t believe that I’ll feel the sunshine on my skin again. I’ve been trying to will myself to write and yet I find myself blocked once again. The only cure I’ve found for this to put pen to paper. No matter how many times you rewrite the words you’re putting something out there letting light lay across the little bits of yourself that you haven’t had eloquence or perhaps even time to put across. No matter how many words you erase the ones that you commit to that page are eternal and that is beautiful. Use your words carefully though. They have power more than you will ever be aware of. You will never be able to see the way your words affect someone else the ability they have to lift spirits and damage confidences that had taken years to develop, Time and pain you hadn’t even seen fall into place to make that particular person who they are in a second torn to shreds by a careless phrase. Wield your wit wisely. Keep your conversation compassionate and consider kindness a condition of your company. Hold other people to the same expectations you have for yourself. Don’t protect people who aren’t providing positivity. Do these things for yourself not for anyone else.